I think we as couples can often forget that even though our relationship is "fine" we still need to put effort into it. All relationships have their ups and downs, but sometimes we are neither up nor down, everything is just "fine." We forget how wonderful the "up" times can be and stop striving for them. We can become static.
Having everything "fine" isn't necessarily a bad place to be. There is a comfort that comes with it. It means you aren't unhappy and things are probably going smoothly.
I think the problem with "fine" is that couples tend to let their relationship take a backseat to other things because they feel they don't they need to worry about it. Everything is "fine" so they don't need work to "keep the love alive," as the saying goes. Things start to get dull and boring. As women, when our husbands stop pursuing us, we often start to feel like he maybe isn't in love with us anymore and maybe we are undesirable. Husbands can start to feel taken for granted and unappreciated. "Fine" is fine except when it leads down this path. Then, all the sudden, fine is a problem.
As I said, there are much worse words you can use to define a relationship. "Fine" is after all, fine. However, wouldn't you like to define your relationship as "great," "wonderful," "happy," "fulfilling," or some other awesome adjective?
So, what's my point? We should always be mindful to never stop working on our marriages. Even when things seem "fine," we need to strive to "keep the love alive." When we think we don't need to pursue each other, we will suddenly realize things have become boring. In our marriages, we should remember it's about the journey. "Fine" is acceptable, but you can achieve more.
I encourage you to do something for your husband today to let him know you are still in pursuit of him. Dress nice and make him a special dinner, get him a card, buy him that inexpensive item he's been wanting, make him cupcakes and arrange them to say a message. I sent my husband a text message. Unfortunately, he left his phone at home. LOL. Be creative. Keep the love alive.
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Really good points. John and I have been so focused on my last few weeks of school before graduation (I on the papers and studying, John on doing my domestic jobs), we have not pursued each other much. Many of your ideas really wouldn't take much effort. I just pray I can detach from my papers and studying long enough to even think of doing something to move from "fine" to fabulous. John really has been quite wonderful during this process (although it's his fault I'm doing this while married!).
ReplyDeleteI laughed at the text message thing. Thanks for your comments. You're a good writer (not just b/c I'm your mother). :-)
Really good points. John and I have been so focused on my last few weeks of school before graduation (I on the papers and studying, John on doing my domestic jobs), we have not pursued each other much. Many of your ideas really wouldn't take much effort. I just pray I can detach from my papers and studying long enough to even think of doing something to move from "fine" to fabulous. John really has been quite wonderful during this process (although it's his fault I'm doing this while married!).
ReplyDeleteI laughed at the text message thing. Thanks for your comments. You're a good writer (not just b/c I'm your mother). :-)
OH (((((Heather)))))! I loved your response and clicked over from DS~what a BEAUTIFUL BLOG! I'm gonna leave it up so I can read through it here-and-there as the evening wears on.... (((((HUGS))))) sandi
ReplyDeleteYou gotta pick this up again! I think you have some great words of wisdom :) (Popping over from the invisible group on DS, I'm delicatefade)
ReplyDelete